tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post8685324609992463302..comments2023-09-29T08:51:56.163-07:00Comments on Coyle's InFormation: This is what sexism looks like, # 3Karen Coylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02519757456533839003noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-39545266809118569672016-06-05T15:13:44.225-07:002016-06-05T15:13:44.225-07:00Unfortunately, it's pretty much par for the co...Unfortunately, it's pretty much par for the course for someone acting on internalized sexism to say that you are the problem - otherwise he'd be forced to ask some hard questions about the unspoken assumptions he was making while he was dominating the conversation. <br /><br />On the other hand, I commend your patience with the matter. Without calling folks on their assumptions, there is no examination of the flaws in their assumptions and no basis upon which to engage with the question of flawed assumptions and argue for change. The generation of activists who came of age during the civil rights movement of the 1960s classified these acts under the concept of 'speaking truth to power'.<br /><br />Best,<br />-lAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-43839826729294375942016-06-04T12:18:19.996-07:002016-06-04T12:18:19.996-07:00Sorry that you had that experience. I think perha...Sorry that you had that experience. I think perhaps the most jaw-dropping aspect for me is that this man, after being rude and sexist and "mansplaining" to you, then went and invoked institutional power in order to enact emotional violence on you as an attempt to silence your voice. Even if someone isn't convinced by the conversation that the man was silencing women, his actions afterwards clearly show sexism. A true non-sexist ally would sit back from a charge like that, reflect on their actions, and see how they created that experience for someone else. Good on you for not backing down.Erikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00991291032009704636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-16007137187219200542016-06-03T19:50:03.888-07:002016-06-03T19:50:03.888-07:00Yes, people who are suggesting otherwise, of COURS...Yes, people who are suggesting otherwise, of COURSE this was about sexism. Sure, some women also behave this way. But that is a specious, dishonest, and damaging response to situations like this. It is no coincidence that a man is MUCH more likely to do this than a woman; it is no coincidence that women are much more likely to be the recipients of such "explaining"; and it is clear that society greets this behavior in men with much more tolerance than it does women. <br /><br />Karen, I'm sorry this happened. It happens to all of us. It happens all the time. It helps to hear someone else say "It happened, it was wrong, and my experience is valid." Thanks for doing that so determinedly, even though you pay a high cost in stress and frustration by doing so. You're a stone cold killer. Keep it up. :)Autumnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01937721692062336282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-7865173768171729152016-06-03T13:55:41.083-07:002016-06-03T13:55:41.083-07:00It's tough to catch these moments while at the...It's tough to catch these moments while at the same time having the emotional distance to know how to react. When I have been able to recognize that I'm being talked down, I take a long pause and rephrase a question to put the person in my place. Sometimes I ask the famous leading question "So exactly when did you stop beating your spouse?" Most people don't realize they're talking down to others, so (after my leading question) I calmly explain to them. Some people still won't get it. They need to be educated.<br /><br />I'm a busy guy, so when someone says "I should..." my first reaction is defensive and I ask why can't they do it themselves or participate in accomplishing with others what they think should be my responsibility. <br /><br />I used to think that racism was curable through education. But as I get older I see that often education is not nearly enough for beliefs which are highly internalized and a part of one's identity. Sadly it probably is similar with sexism.Bob Kosovskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16685014516113511069noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-29934835636571697382016-06-03T03:01:18.725-07:002016-06-03T03:01:18.725-07:00Sucks that women can't speak their mind withou...Sucks that women can't speak their mind without having a billion and one Manons jump in to continue the mansplanation with the "we aren't sexist you are totes sexist." Just proves the whole point here that women can never know what they are talking about. =_ =Maverynthiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06442325558920806395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-72523809836343317732016-06-02T17:48:38.777-07:002016-06-02T17:48:38.777-07:00Such incredible bullshit on his part. I am so sorr...Such incredible bullshit on his part. I am so sorry you had to deal with it.Jessamynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18291959768589673831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-18447430886950654972016-06-02T17:17:55.319-07:002016-06-02T17:17:55.319-07:00I'm both saddened and happy that you posted th...I'm both saddened and happy that you posted this because as a solo lib for a while, I had to put up with so much of this, among many other things, and it really angered & upset me so much that I thought about leaving the librarian profession. It was my first job outside of grad school and now that I'm at a position that I feel comfortable at but those thoughts still linger. The one good thing that came out of it was that I became a stronger person and one that is willing to stand up for what I know is right. Do you have any advice on how to deal with moving past it and maybe while interviewing/searching for positions how to avoid a toxic work environment?Emily https://www.blogger.com/profile/14486084248413785267noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-54761696369229064522016-06-02T11:18:53.705-07:002016-06-02T11:18:53.705-07:00Yeah it is crummy this is my experience pretty muc...Yeah it is crummy this is my experience pretty much all the time. If you dare note something is sexist you're the problem, not the person being sexist.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-63196296276453998142016-06-02T09:50:31.807-07:002016-06-02T09:50:31.807-07:00Shameful. (P, not you.) Also. sigh. not surprising...Shameful. (P, not you.) Also. sigh. not surprising. (Well, the grotesquerie about the "civility" code--that's surprising.)<br /><br />FWIW, I felt compelled to post: http://walt.lishost.org/2016/06/really-shameful-but-not-surprising/waltchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09820646745646868292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-69731608831819756382016-06-02T07:12:24.389-07:002016-06-02T07:12:24.389-07:00Reading your post. Speechless. I cant believe that...Reading your post. Speechless. I cant believe that this man sad what he said despite you all explaining what has been going on in libraries regarding work in this area. Im sorry that happened. It doesnt take much to listen even if he doesnt get it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-47738958247899129682016-06-02T07:02:22.248-07:002016-06-02T07:02:22.248-07:00This isn't always a man/woman thing. I see it ...This isn't always a man/woman thing. I see it happen at almost every conference I go to and almost every meeting I attend. Sometimes it is men behaving badly towards men, women or a combination. Sometimes it's a woman behaving badly. I wasn't there so I can't comment on the specifics of this interaction, but it seems to me that in an forum such as this a participant, especially a speaker, should be able to take criticism and not whine about it. CL1945https://www.blogger.com/profile/16611188893111096325noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-30694992012811207192016-06-02T07:00:27.873-07:002016-06-02T07:00:27.873-07:00Perhaps I missed some other interaction, but, nowh...Perhaps I missed some other interaction, but, nowhere in your post does anything suggest sexism until you used a blatantly sexist term. "Mansplaning"??? What the heck is that? Nothing that "P" said even suggests "P" was a man, let alone being sexist. Clearly "P" was rude and thought he knew more than you did, but nothing he did or said, according to your writing, was sexist. <br /><br />If you're concerned about sexism, perhaps you should start by looking in the mirror. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338174527262061848.post-81826542764602894572016-06-02T06:34:19.211-07:002016-06-02T06:34:19.211-07:00Do you think the person would have acted different...Do you think the person would have acted differently if it was to a male librarian?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com